I often feel like an outsider in so many domains of my life — just outside others’ grasp or comprehension.
A juxtaposition between my appreciation for art, culture, community and high society, and a world that attributes so much unwarranted meaning to race and class. It was challenging to make sense of who I was and who I wanted to be in each of these communities, in the face of stereotypes and other people’s expectations of who and where a person like me could or should be.
These are the contradictions I’ve wrestled with my whole life and continue to wrestle with as part of my work in entrepreneurship, advocacy and authentic leadership, oscillating between high society and Black-centered spaces playing large and small roles.
Picture it: Montreal, 1994. A beautiful girl wise beyond her years, watches news coverage of a gala event mere blocks away from her downtown public housing apartment, mesmerised and intrigued by the socialites, décor, guest list and haute couture gowns, and how a singular cause brought this all together.
That young girl was me, and that event was Montreal’s inaugural Daffodil Ball, benefiting the Canadian Cancer Society. Since its inception, it has raised a net amount of $42M for Cancer research.
From 2013 - 2019 I worked five Cancer Society events, and others benefiting Montreal Community Cares Awards, Tristan Williams Multiple Sclerosis Foundation, Desta Black Youth Network, Lupus Canada, Leucan, Black Mental Health Connection, Prostate Canada, and Ristorante Buonanotte for the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF).
In my personal life I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but in these seemingly opposing spaces I can bring so much of who I am to the table. I get to redefine who I was - growing and learning from challenges and setbacks, to become a better version of myself. As I expanded my talents into luxury with Holt Renfrew (The Selfridges Group), I continued to be a key player on teams that gave me the room to be better than I thought I could ever be.
However, getting there wasn’t always safe. There were the sexual advancements, and attempts to withhold payments. The efforts to shape my character, personality and integrity disguised as “training”. Clients using disparaging language, demanding preferential treatment. People disguised as friends trying to poach my clients. The suspect gazes questioning my belonging and downplaying my accomplishments. Complaints only being taken seriously months after several reported incidents. The dismissive attitude for the open and witnessed attempts to patronize and intimidate me, with one incident ending in a hail of insults screaming that I was “nothing and nobody”.
But even through the turmoil, tears and diminishing self-worth the impact, prestige and portfolio I was building outweighed these experiences.
Normally, I would confront a challenging situation without hesitation. But when the stakes got higher and my network of influence grew larger, I didn't want to let myself or others down. I was paralyzed with the responsibility of preserving my livelihood and social currency, navigating the inner workings of the corporate world without the mentorship and guidance so many were looking to me to provide.
These behaviours were embedded in all these spaces. I ascended as far as being on the radar of the parent company of the luxury brand I repped in under a year. I had made it this far managing around it, right? But apart of your ability to ascend, is your ability to comply.
These moments - intimate and vulnerable would usually be a milestone where we would reach out to an elder for protection. A voice that may not always tell you what you want to hear, but one that you can always trust to advocate for you being educated and overqualified, holding positions in places that were never held by anyone like you, without the protection from leadership dedicated to change.
In-spite of it all, the most incredible thing is that I’ve been myself my entire career. I’ve never let my loud, sarcastic, outspoken, independent, charismatic personality; emotional, financial and health challenges, triumphs, and unique makeup keep me out of rooms, or box me into a corner.
For some that may be revolutionary, because I don't limit myself. I always had this belief or faith that the world will see me the way I see myself, and hopefully my talents will be infinite, doing many things and playing many different roles. It's what I’ve been striving to do.
A decade later, as I enter the third act of my career, I think about what I want for the next one like me, and all the others who approach me. I think about legacy and what I’m doing for the next generations, whether they have the chance to bring their humanity, humour, wit, presence and self-awareness to an industry that has space for so many diverse skills and abilities, and to feel the joy that I feel opening doors for others.
Widely known for carving out her own unique paths to success, empowerment and personal growth discussing iconic moments in her life, Charlene Mc Farlane is on a benevolent crusade for us to look bravely at the things we rarely discuss in entrepreneurship - courage, fear, vulnerability, empathy and competition – asking, “What does success look like without the agency to self-advocate?” Sharing deep insight from her research and life experience as an educator, panelist and contributing writer, anyone who experiences Charlene’s collection of thoughtful evolving content, trusted advice and learning tools is constantly reaching for higher ground, carving out a unique position in the marketplace, expressing their individual style and aspiring to make wise choices.
Learn more at: TheNewROR.com
Images: Black Tux Photography (Toronto, Canada)
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