I'm having my womb removed....
The end, not just of any remaining fertility and lifelong trauma and rejection I experienced throughout my life, but the official closure of stagnant energy and unhealed wounds.
The womb is not simply the space where life is conceived. It is the place where creativity is born, sexuality is honoured, and where unresolved traumas and conflicts are stored.
Our Wombs hold historically and collectively remembered trauma. Each of us develops in our mother’s physical womb.
During this time, we are inheriting and imprinting the energy of her trauma, and in turn the trauma of her mother and grandmother, registering deep inside our tissues and cellular memory, affecting the entirety of our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.
It stores the energetic imprint of every sexual encounter. Experiences no matter how loving or unloving, wanted or unwanted. It holds full-term childbirths, miscarriages and abortions, as well as inherited ancestral patterns.
I hadn't thought about my abortion in 10 years....To say the least, it was a traumatic experience.
I was in a state shock and gratitude finally receiving a date (7 months earlier than predicted) to remove what had been causing sever pain, fatigue, bloating, constipation, inflammation, insomnia, drastic weight fluctuations and digestive issues that in the end had me bedridden most days; after being on a year-long waiting list.
A birthday/Christmas/New Year's gift all-in-one. When suddenly three weeks before my procedure, I found myself in tears, awakened by grief, and flooded with memories.
From the day that I shared my pregnancy and plans to keep the baby, he began to pressure me into having an abortion with non-stop daily phone calls, voicemails and texts from 8:00 am. In hindsight, I should have filed a police report, instead I gave into the pressure... But it was never what I wanted. I was 3 months and one day into my second trimester. One day too late. I begged doctor to let me have the procedure. The next day he agreed to preform the procedure. It was divine intervention.
The day of the procedure, the doctor was 6 hours late, and my friend had to leave me to pick up her sister. I was alone. The nitrous oxide commonly used during childbirth did not provide any pain relief. No one in the room had experienced this before. The room teamed with panic. The nurse's eyes were filled with horror as she held my hand. I felt....everything: the forceps removing the fetus and placenta, the suctioning of the uterus, and a scoop-like instrument scraping out the uterine lining.
In the years to come, I was haunted by the experience surrounding my abortion. It diminished my self-worth.
By 2018, I had a miscarriage...and although I had known him for over 20 years, he was never the man I thought he was. Admittedly, the signs were all there that he was leading a double life and that my emotions overrode sound judgement; when I discovered he was having a child with someone else.
It was now 2020, I was 40 and facing the reality that it was the end of my ability to carry a child. Suddenly, I was grieving all over again. My nights and days were filled with a thousand tears... I was right back where I started that fateful day. I felt....everything. The anger, disappointment, betrayal, loss, the many failed attempts to be chosen and loved, trust and love myself.
On December 20, 2023, the morning of the laparoscopic surgery I was greeted with an all female team at Michael Garron Hospital, who assisted me onto the bed.
Dr. Courtney Jolliffe, my OB-GYN surgeon asked me how I’m feeling, if I have any last comments or questions, and held my hand as the nurse placed the mask over my mouth, and the anesthesiologist put me to sleep.
I sincerely hope Courtney played her eclectic 10-hour playlist, as she made the incisions, placed the camera, and detached the ligaments and blood vessels; putting an end to an era of pain.
Widely known for carving out her own unique paths to success, empowerment and personal growth discussing iconic moments in her life, Charlene Mc Farlane is on a benevolent crusade for us to look bravely at the things we rarely discuss in entrepreneurship - courage, fear, vulnerability, empathy and competition – asking, “What does success look like without the agency to self-advocate?” Sharing deep insight from her research and life experience as an educator, panelist and contributing writer, anyone who experiences Charlene’s collection of thoughtful evolving content, trusted advice and learning tools is constantly reaching for higher ground, carving out a unique position in the marketplace, expressing their individual style and aspiring to make wise choices.
Learn more at: TheNewROR.com
Images: Charlene Mc Farlane
Sources:
(1) The Power of the Womb! Thriveglobal.com. https://community.thriveglobal.com/the-power-of-the-womb
(2) Awakening To Your Holy Womb Chakr. Sacred Motherhood Blueprint. https://www.sacredmotherhoodblueprint.com
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